TORI

Krista and Tori

My daughter called with the terrible news and was sobbing so hard she could barely get the words out, let alone breathe. Her childhood friend, Tori Richeson, had died in a car accident. She was 18 years old.   My breath caught in my throat as I attempted to process what I'd just heard.  Not Tori!  There's just no way this could happen to such a sweet,  beautiful, smart, responsible young woman. Then my daughter said something very insightful for a teenager, "I can only imagine what her mom is going through."  Images of her mom immediately sprang to mind.  Tiny and petite with high cheekbones and a model's figure, she is always cheerful, fun and energetic. I thought of all the times we visited together, herding our daughters through Brownies, Girl Scouts, school activities, birthday parties. 

Tori was their only child and they were a close knit family, always involved in each other’s lives.   Her dad is strong and tall and kind and he and Tori enjoyed snow boarding and surfing together.  My heart goes out to them both.  They were model parents, and a perfect family, attending church, doing all the right things as parents. Tori  was a beautiful young girl with her mom’s happy energy.  So how is this possible and why is this fair?

It’s not.  It’s devastating. It’s another reminder of how quick and fleeting life is and that this could happen to any of us at any time. 

The service was very moving, full of sorrow and tears but also full of love.   It was standing room only; the sanctuary, overflow rooms and entry way were all full, forcing the hasty setting up of chairs outside in the sweltering Ramona sunshine.   A table outside the church held photos, her favorite books and movies, a pair of worn sneakers, her Brownie sash.  A little mini movie of her life, pictures set to music, was displayed on various TV monitors throughout the building.  

The movie started with an infant Tori cradled in the arms of her young, handsome father with her mother smiling beside them.  There is so much hope, joy and innocence when you are a young family.  Your babies need you and nothing bad has happened and you assure yourself nothing ever will. The video progresses through her toddler years, a young school girl going to Brownies and Girl Scouts, hamming it up with friends, her high school prom, snowboarding with her dad, and a candid picture he shot of her recently while surfing.  Tears rolled silently in a constant stream down my cheeks as I listened to the speakers. Her mother spoke eloquently, choking back the tears as she gave tribute to her beautiful daughter she was so proud of.  Her positive energy shone throughout her speech, and she was even able to make us laugh a couple times. I greatly admired her for having the strength and courage to speak and to make her emotions intelligible.   

Tori’s friends also provided some amusing anecdotes as well as attesting to her integrity and wisdom. They said Tori would advise them against doing things they knew they shouldn't, they would do them anyway, get in a lot of trouble, and wish they had listened to their friend.  She would always stand up for others and never say a bad word about anyone.  Her aunt read a heart wrenching poem she wrote for Tori which was printed in the program.  

 

 Her cousin spoke of Tori being annoyed when people compared her to Kristen Stewart.  When her cousin confessed that she also thought she looked like her, Tori scowled and her cousin pointed at her and said, “See! That’s the face!  Stop doing that!”  In the midst of all the overwhelming emotions, these comic relief moments were much appreciated.  I found myself being amused with the TV monitors which seemed to be experiencing technical difficulties.  Instead of showing the person speaking, the camera frequently focused on the light switch or some other random object, then spun wildly around the room - light switch ...  people ... oh there's the speaker! ... and he's gone ... light switch.... - and I started to feel dizzy.  I was standing in a crowd of sweating bodies, fanning myself, beads of sweat trickling attractively down my legs.  I started to sway a little bit and imagined what would happen if I keeled over, knocking my daughter and her friends down with me like dominoes.  She would stare at my lifeless body on the floor and pretend not to know me, and never forgive me for embarrassing her.   

OK, so I didn’t keel over.  I stood there dripping little rivulets, willing myself not to faint, keenly aware that my bodily discomfort was nothing compared to the anguish her parents were experiencing.  After the service, we all drove over to her parents’ house.  There were so many people,both inside and outside in their spacious backyard.  Krista and her friends reminisced about the sleepovers they’d had in Tori’s backyard.   

We came  to comfort Tori’s mom and dad but I think it was the other way around.  It was Shelly and Scott who made us feel better, spending time with each person in their loving and gracious way.  It was nice visiting with Shelly, like old times, as if nothing tragic had just happened.  She is always so warm and bubbly and entertaining.  Scott told me how touched they had been when Krista and two of her friends came to their house the previous weekend to share memories of Tori.  They ended up having a nice visit that was very meaningful for everyone.   

Scott also shared funny stories of typical parent/teenager struggles over simple chores, which made me feel better.  This model family with the ideal teenage daughter still had the same issues we all do at times.  He said how he always told Tori, whenever she left the house, "Drive safe."

We stayed until the sun started going down over the hills, not wanting to leave our friends, not wanting the day to be over, not wanting reality to set in. We half expected to see Tori walk in, to say she hadn’t died after all, wishing for a happy ending.  We drove into a spectacular sunset, a fitting tribute to a beautiful life which, I have to believe, goes on somewhere above us.  Tori is still alive.  We just can’t see her right now.

Drive safe, everyone.

THEN AND NOW

THEN

My son turned 18 this weekend.  How is this possible?  Where did the years go?  It’s not fair.  I want those years back.  They seem so care free and wonderful now.  What happened to my sweet baby?  

Hi friends!

You know, the one in the bassinet beside my bed?  

 My whole family traveled miles to see him.

Laura, Dad, me . Wish you were here.

One morning at 3 AM, he woke me and I reluctantly pried my heavy eyelids open as I turned to check on the little form lying beside me.  I will never forget what I saw next.  It was definitely worth waking up at 3 AM.  I was greeted with the biggest, happiest toothless grin I have ever seen.  His whole face beamed with joy at seeing me.  I basked in the glow of this image for a long time before drifting back off to sleep. It's one of my happiest memories.

 
 His older sister was a little uncertain about bringing him home from the hospital.

What's your name again?

But then she decided he could stay.

Don't sleep!  Let's play!

 

He became quite a ladies man

How you doin?

And a fun playmate

You say the funniest things, Krista!

Hey!  Who's driving??

He was always happy and a joy to have around

Put your shades on, Kyle!

OK!

When he first started talking, he had an Italian accent.  Carrying him through the shark exhibit in Sea World, he startled me by asking, “Mommy, dose shawks bite-a my face?”

Sometimes I couldn’t understand his baby/Italian talk.  One day he pointed at a keychain hanging on the wall and said, “Diddle Bawbie!”  It took me a few seconds for my mommy translator to kick in.   He was referring to the tiny Barbie doll hanging on the key chain (little Barbie.  Duh). 

At first, he thought Krista's name was Kyle too.  We went to a friend's beach house and when Krista stepped off the deck onto the sand, it was like she had stepped off the edge of the planet.  He was very upset, and with tears streaming down his face, he turned to me and yelled, "Look at Kyle!  Look at Kyle!"

I'm Kyle and so is she!

His sister taught him to dance

Mom's going to embarrass me with this photo one day

Note the lamby coat

Had fun with his cousin, Mitch

Best Buds

You're supposed to smile!

He learned to play guitar ... really well, I might add.

You should hear me play Led Zeppellin

When he was four, he called me his "Love-Love".

When he was five, he had his first crush on a cute little blond girl in Kindergarten.  He was telling me about her with great fondness, and I looked at him curiously and asked, “Kyle, do you like her?”  He turned his face up to me, his eyes squinting in the morning sun, a huge grin spreading from ear to ear.  I was crushed, but tried to act nonchalant as I fought with the screaming voice in my head:  “Another girl has won his heart!  That’s not supposed to happen yet! Not now! Or ever!”  I pushed the screaming maniac out and away from me, leaving her sobbing  and pounding her fists on the sidewalk.  She always finds her way back to me, though.  Don't tell anyone.

Hi Handsome Boy

I cherish all these memories, especially now when he barely lets me hug him, making sure his face is out of reach in case, God forbid, I should try to kiss his cheek.

Now he is 18.   

Smile!

 In Europe and Costa Rica he's old enough to drink

He can vote.   

He’s a man!

Life is bittersweet.  Have you noticed that?  I am proud of my handsome grown up son, and my beautiful daughter, but I would time travel back to the happy days of their childhood in an instant if I could.  I guess that’s what I’m doing now.

Hey Mom, can I borrow the car?

THAT'S A WRAP

So I just finished acting in a fantastic, creative, fun filled film project called 48 Hours.  What’s that?  You want my autograph?  Well, if you insist...

This was one of the ultimate highlights of my life so far.  I was privileged to work with people who were so brilliant, I had to wear shades.

I owe this all to my friend Tanya, who talked me into auditioning with her for the 48 Hour Film Project.  The auditions were held at Vision Pulse in Mira Mesa which is owned by Eddie Lain.  Everyone had to present a one minute monologue in front of a room full of directors and producers. What?  Was I nervous?  Nah, just your normal plunging off a cliff into shark infested waters kind of day.  Piece of cake. 

Tanya and I high fived each other after surviving the audition process.  We were both chosen to perform, but on different teams. 

48 Hours is a worldwide competition and this was the San Diego County edition.  We met at a gazebo in Mission Bay on a Friday night where we waited to hear what our genre would be.  There were around 73 teams and each director took turns picking genre cards out of a hat.  If you didn’t like the genre, you could turn it in for a wild card, but then you might get stuck with opera or something you really really really didn’t want.  I was on the Creative Humanoids team and our director, David Barak, was assigned the Superheroes genre.  At first we didn’t know what we were going to do with that, but as it turned out, we had the best cast ever for this theme.  

"Know what I mean?"

Next, we waited to hear the other three components that had to be incorporated into our film.  They were character, line of dialogue and prop.  The character was Mac or Margaret McCarthy, Interpreter.  Line of dialogue was, “You know what I mean?” and prop was garden hose. 

After receiving this crucial information, everyone scurried off to write a script based on their genre and the above mentioned components, and to find a location for filming.  We had 48 hours to complete the film which had to be turned in by 7 PM Sunday night.  Crazy, right?

David and his writers stayed up until the wee hours of Saturday morning writing the script.  Then he texted us to meet at a location he’d found in Santee.  One of the actor’s parents lived in a trailer park there and said we could film in the clubhouse.  We raced over as fast as we could and were given our scripts which we attempted to memorize.  My character was Margaret McCarthy, therapist to the Superheroes, so of course I wore my t-shirt with 3 cocktails parading across the chest and Group Therapy written underneath.   

Pay no attention to my demon eyes. You're supposed to be looking at my chest.

My character was counseling the Superheroes who were having relationship problems.  Our Superheroes were Superman, 

Clark Kent and Storm

Lex Luthor, Lois Lane, Batman, Sexy Robin, Thor, Loki, Wolverine, Storm, and The Joker. 

Don't mess with Sexy Robin !

Batman relaxing between takes

 I was the straight man, but the rest of them got to ham it up and ad lib a lot.  

Loki, Sexy Robin, Thor, Thor's hammer

 It was fun to watch their creative minds spin and add their personal touches to lines and movement, and they all did such a great job!  

Hard to tell from this picture, but David Raines is a really nice guy, not evil at all, and very funny.  He was also one of the writers.

This was my first experience in a film which is so different than theater.  There are many intricate details that have to be accounted for; lighting, sound, angle, movement, color ... no wonder there are so many retakes!  Most of us stumbled around with our lines when they took the scripts away because we hadn’t had much time to memorize.  We filmed time after time, practicing, adjusting light and sound.  Just when we all started getting in the right groove, the trailer park manager burst in and shut us down.  Apparently, we didn’t have permission to film there, and we had to leave.  Now. 

We were all very disappointed at this turn of events and tried to be mature and not stick our tongues out at Mr. Killjoy.  This meant we had to pack up all the cameras, lighting and sound equipment as well as the copious amount of junk food brought in to feed the actors.  Then we had to find a new location.  Luckily, Eddie at Vision Pulse was able to accommodate us and we raced over there in the middle of the afternoon.

This actually turned out to be a lot better than the first location, and we were able to complete our indoor and outdoor scenes.   

Lois Lane with Eddie, our HERO!

We all had so much fun, we didn’t want it to end!  There was a scene at the end where all the Superheroes exit the therapist’s office, arguing with each other.  This was all ad lib and Loki and Thor had the brilliant idea of popping beers open and drinking them as they were exiting.  Unfortunately, this scene required numerous takes.  After a while they had to fake opening beer because:  A. they had run out of beer and B. there was a slight beer buzz going on. 

Superman and Wolverine making a beer run.  Hey guys? You forgot my wine and/or martini!

The same thing happened at the end when they were filming Sexy Robin signing her name, picking a donut out of the box on the table, taking a bite and throwing it back in the box.  She had to do this over and over, and I bet she is sick of donuts now.  I’m sure Thor and Loki are sick of beer now too – OK, maybe not.  We filmed until 8 PM Saturday night, then David and his crew had to edit the film and race to turn it in on time Sunday evening.  

Cameraman Robin

 They made it with minutes to spare and, dare I say, the result was impressive.  See it for yourself right here: http://vimeo.com/71394774.

The screening of our film was held in the Gaslamp area while I was still in Cost Rica, so I missed seeing it on the big screen, but I got to attend the Best Of Screening this past Saturday night.  They had a red carpet event for all the actors to get their pictures taken, just like Hollywood!  Huge beachball sized balloons bounced around in the auditorium and a keyboardist/singer entertained us before the event.  All the films were great!  I was so impressed.  The films were judged on talent, creativity, and how the character, line of dialogue and prop were incorporated into the film.  Even though we didn't take home a physical reward, in my eyes, we were winners because we all worked well together and accomplished our goal of turning in a great film within the 48 hour time period.
This was a positive experience in every way.  Even after they had finished filming my scenes, I hung around until the very end so I could hear them say, "That's a wrap!"