LIFE'S A GAS

This is how my gas gauge has looked for over a year now.  It is broken, and always tells me I’m on empty, even though I just filled the tank. It’s an expensive repair so I just make sure I fill the tank once a week.  I have poured so much money into this car in the last couple years.  Seems like almost every part has been replaced.

So I’m driving up the freeway late on a Saturday night and suddenly notice my car is slowing down.  I instinctively pull over to the side and am lucky to find a relatively safe spot on the side of the freeway before my car steering and brakes give out on me.  Great, now what?  The battery light is showing and I just had that replaced so what could it be?  I’m a little nervous – it’s late, it’s dark, it’s cold and cars are whipping past me, causing my car to shudder.  I’m hoping nobody is going to smash into me and I lock my doors to protect myself from random axe murderers.  I have to wait an hour for the tow truck to arrive and am glad I have an extra coat to snuggle in because the temperature is dropping rapidly. Yes, I know I'm not in Montana or some other snowy place, but it still gets cold at night here in December, people! I could have died!  OK, maybe not. 
I start getting bored and wonder who I can call and annoy.  I text my son who is at his dad's but he doesn't reply.  Well of course not.  After all, he's 17, it's Saturday night, so obviously he is either fast asleep or reading the Bible.
Now I’m getting sleepy and try to keep one eye open to watch the headlights speeding by in my rear view mirror. Have to keep an eye out for those drunken drivers headed my way.  And the axe murderers. Have to stay awake so I'm not caught snoring and drooling.

Finally the tow truck arrives.  It is a welcome sight.  The driver has me leave my keys in the car and get into his cab.  I feel like I am scaling a mountain.  It is a steep climb into his truck and I grasp at handles and haul myself up as best I can, while tugging on my sweater, which keeps riding up.  The guy is watching me from below and I’m glad I’m not wearing a dress!  I watch out the back window as he loads my huge Suburban onto his truck.  Have you ever seen someone load a vehicle onto a tow truck?  It’s pretty amazing, especially for a big bulging beastly car like mine.  I was mesmerized.   

photo from internet. I was not smart enough to take my own.  Looks more dramatic at night.

When we start driving, he says he can’t figure out what’s wrong with my car.  I describe what happened when it shut down and he thought it might be the alternator or some belt defect but everything looked fine.  I begin to fear I have done something really stupid.  I cough nervously and say, “Um, do you think it might be out of gas?”  He looks surprised and says he hadn’t thought of that but yes that could be the problem.  We drive to the nearest gas station and I descend the mountain I mean truck to swipe my debit card on the gas pump.  You know how different gas stations have different pumps?  I swipe my card and then stand there perplexed because I can’t find the keypad to enter my zip code.  My new tow truck driver friend politely points it out to me.  This guy must think I’m an idiot.  In my defense, though, it was hiding way over to the right, instead of on the screen where it’s SUPPOSED TO BE.  Now I have to get on my tippy toes to reach my car’s gas tank because it is sitting on top of the tow truck, 50 feet up in the air.  As I raise my arm to reach up with the gas hose, my snug holiday sweater creeps up, exposing my tummy and my festive jingle bell belly button ring.  Don’t judge me.  I tug at my sweater and look around nervously to see if anyone saw my flesh display.  Yes.  Oh well.  I’m getting cranky now because I’m tired and it’s really cold and if I’ve run my car out of gas I’m going to feel like a total moran.  (Well, what’s new?) Mr. AAA climbs up onto the truck and into my car and turns the key and waala – my car is running again.  Part of me is glad I’m not looking at another expensive repair, the other part of me wants to crawl in a hole and die, or at least hide for a while.  

internet photo again

I watch the mechanical complexity of unchaining and unloading my car, thank the driver nervously, and hightail it out of there.  I can’t just go to a December holiday party and drive home like a normal person, can I?  No, I have to have a totally blond moment and embarrass myself.  Guess I’m just special that way.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Big Bear Fun Revisited

My daughter and I saw this truck driving in front of us on the way to Big Bear.  Can you see what’s hanging from the trailer hitch?  A sign on the back windshield said BALZ in case you were confused.  Maybe we’re just easily amused, but we guffawed over this for at least an hour.

It’s been our long standing tradition to spend a few days in Big Bear right before Thanksgiving. The crisp, cool mountain air gets us in the holiday mood.  We have been doing this ever since the kids were little.  Somewhere along the way, my ex dropped out when he lost his mind and decided he didn’t want to be with me any more.  (so rude)  I know what you’re thinking – how could anyone not want to be with someone as beautiful, fun, and talented as me.  That IS what you were thinking, right?  OK, just checking. 

Any-who, I have kept the tradition going lo these many years and am happy that my kids still enjoy it.  So, my son, Kyle, his friend, Troy, my daughter, Krista, plus three dogs and three birds, all trekked up there last week.  Alas, the cabin we usually rent which we have become quite fond of and attached to (despite the head bump incident and the fireplace blowing up – see previous blogs) was already booked, so I was forced to scrounge desperately through the internet for a replacement.  We have been disappointed with other places we've stayed in the past, but this time I scored a great find.  In fact, this may become our new favorite  cabin.  It had everything the previous cabin had – but wait – there’s more – it also had a GAME ROOM with pool table, fussball, and air hockey.  There was a nice deck off the living room and master bedroom with a sweeping view and a barbecue.  Hey, that rhymed.  There were two bedrooms downstairs, and another room with a POKER TABLE and a WET BAR!  You could even walk to Snow Summit, which was just up the street.  What more could you possibly want??  Well, the kids wanted it to snow.  Can’t please everybody.  

There was a ghost on the cabin roof.  I heard him every night around 2 AM.   It sounded like heavy footsteps marching back and forth above my head.  I wasn't scared, just wished he would be a little quieter because he was keeping me awake.  Apparently he decided to possess my dog one evening - you will see proof in the picture at the end of this blog - Skeptic.
 

My favorite Big Bear activities are taking long walks in the afore mentioned cool, mountain air, shopping in town and chilling by the fireplace with a nice bottle I mean glass of wine.  Heck, I even enjoy shopping in the local Vons for firewood and food items, just because it’s different than home.  It’s a small town so all the shop people are friendly and easy to strike up a conversation with.  I have been visiting Lorraine at Charleze’s Unique Boutique for years.  She always spends time with me, filling me in on the latest goings on in town.

Kyle, Troy, Krista

  

Krista and Pepper, Big Bear Lake

Snow Summit

As per our tradition, I cooked a turkey for an early Thanksgiving dinner in our cozy cabin.  The oven didn't catch on fire, the fireplace didn't blow up and we didn't put the turkey in too early.  Yay!  Krista and Pepper and I went for a long walk afterwards and were excited to see Snow Summit all lit up for night skiing.  The stars were especially bright in this altitude, hanging like diamonds above our heads.  Walking back down the street, we discovered we could see our breath from the flashlight on our iphones.  It looked like we were smoking.  We could also make giant shadow puppets on the trees and houses we passed by.  We hoped nobody was watching us because it looked like we were smoking and acting like retards.  Don’t say it.

 Big Bear is extremely dog friendly.  When my big dogs were puppies, people oohed and aahed over them as we were walking through town and they were allowed in all the shops and even some outdoor restaurants.  This year my daughter brought her puppy, Pepper, an adorable Siberian Husky, and we couldn’t walk more than two feet without being accosted by someone wanting to pet her.  Hmm, maybe we should have charged people to get their puppy fixes...

My sister and her family joined us for an evening.  We girls snuck away into town for shopping and lunch.  We sat on the outside patio at Trolls which conveniently provided a dog dish filled with water.  Pepper even got to romp with another dog who was conveniently helping its owners eat their lunch.  Then Pepper passed out, exhausted, under the table.

AWWWWWW

"It's good, it's good"

Krista & Calli

It wasn't even Thanksgiving yet but the tree in the center of town was already decorated and Christmas music played in all the shops.

 In the evening, the kids hung out in the game room and my sister and her husband played poker with their Basset Hound, Sadie.  Who knew Sadie was such a card shark?

I think my lab, Chester, was a little jealous of all the money Sadie raked in playing cards.  He watched her from the stairs above, giving her evil Carrie eyes.

Sometimes he pretended he wasn't looking...

But then something weird happened and he was either really angry or possessed by the cabin ghost.  Prepared to be frightened - I'm not kidding....Wait for it.....

Is it Chester or the Cabin Ghost??

I tried to warn you!

Grasslands

While I prefer to go horseback riding with my friends, I often ride solo through the Ramona Grasslands.  This is a beautiful ride I can take from the stable which winds up a narrow trail in the hills with breathtaking views.

Here we are on top of the world.

Forever views...

 Manicured trails circle you around the Grasslands.  

Scotch and I do this ride so often we could probably get there with our eyes closed.  At least I could.  Scotch knows the way, so I don’t have to pay attention.

HI COWS!  See my previous post to know why this is funny.

Wait...Did you just call me a COW?  Seriously??

 This is hard core evidence of the rattlers we run into every Spring.  This guy was ginormous! (love that word). Scotch has been known to climb on top of a boulder, wrenching my back in the process, and has broken my hand, all in an effort to flee these lovely reptiles.

 Yes, the '07 fire passed this way too.  This is also the spot where I ran into two (2) rattlers, one right after the other, in one afternoon.  Actually, within minutes of each other.  So exciting, so much fun...

This is on the way back home.

Oh look!  My shadow!

I forgot to take a picture of Scotch’s favorite house.  He always stops at the top of the hill and stares wistfully at the beautiful blue house sitting on some major acreage with a huge fenced yard. . I think he has hopes of living there some day.  Gotta have a dream...

Let Me Entertain You

It seems I am plagued with embarrassing myself at every possible opportunity.  There must be a name for this disorder.  It all started out so innocently...but then it always does...

So I was riding with my friend through the Ramona Grasslands on a perfect Saturday afternoon.  It was warm and sunny but a mild Santa Ana breeze kept it from being too hot.  We stopped at our favorite restaurant – the picnic table by the pond – where we enjoyed the water view and our usual split of champagne.  Then we rode around the pond and into a grove of trees.  As our eyes adjusted to the shadows, I saw there were several cows with baby calves standing in our path.  I talked to them out loud, “Hello cows, just coming through” so they wouldn’t attack us.  Mama cows with babies have been known to be a bit aggressive when approached.  I told them we meant no harm and they nodded their approval as we rode on by.  We gaited and cantered on up the road and Julia went ahead of me while I tilted my head back, relishing the sunshine and my horse’s smooth gait.  We passed by another picnic table shaded by trees and, squinting in the bright sun, I saw two more big cows standing there.  In my happiest, loudest voice I yelled out, “HI COWS!”  Just as the words were leaving my lips, I saw that they weren’t cows, they were horses and their riders, two women, were sitting at the picnic table.  They turned around and gave me a strange look, like, “What the---??”

Totally mortified and humiliated, I blurted out, “Oh I mean horses!  I need glasses! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” My laugh sounded a a little too loud and shrill, even to me, and then I urged my horse to run as fast as possible up the hill to get away from their menacing glares.  Cursing myself as I ran for being so stupid, It occurred to me that the women might have thought I was calling THEM cows!   They probably thought I was some horrible, rude person.   I caught up to Julia and said, “I can’t believe what I just did!”  I told her how I had unwittingly insulted two perfectly nice women and she started laughing really hard and then I  started thinking it was kind of funny too, so I started laughing, and then we were both doubled over on our horses with tears streaming down our faces.

So I guess that’s why these things happen to me – so I can amuse you.  It’s all for you, my dear friends.  I make all these blunders purely for your entertainment.  You’re welcome.